I’m rather annoyed at myself.
White a few people took the time to read the last post! I was genuinely shocked that so many people read and spoke to me afterwards.
Aparently some of what I said resonated with people I didn’t even know existed, and that really means a lot to me. That are mean people shouting, talking, screaming even whispering into the housing blood that is the internet. So that people took moments of of their day to read my ramble… To me that is amazing.
I’m just a woman in pain curled up under her duvet quoting on her phone into a blog. Using Skype text to the amusement of some at some rather peculiar typos. People read, people listened…. Then I didn’t follow up.
Is been 15 days since I made that last post. I didn’t want the gaps to be this big. I’ve spent a lot of those days bearing myself up over the fact I have yet to wrote a new post. I was reassured, I’m having a very bad flare at the moment and I’m struggling to even make food, let alone write. Which was when it struck me.
Two Tony four letter words that are some of the hardest things for people to do. From able bodies people to disabled people, as a whole humanity generally sucks at self care. Weirdly, the people who need it the most tend to be selfless to the point of damaging themselves. I am in no way declaring myself a selfless Saint! How often do you put your health second to do something?
I’d been beating myself up for my body forcing me into rest. It was my fault I could wash the dishes, walk to the bathroom unaided, make myself some food or even feed my fuzz babies. So when I looked at the blog with no new post it was another sign I was being lazy.
Which weirdly led to my wanting to write this at 6am in the dark with my phone brightness down with my teddy (yes, I sleep with the same stuffed dog I got when I was a baby 28 years later).
It’s okay to be sick, it’s okay to be in pain. I speak to loads of people with disabilities and the first thing I tell them is;
“Someone else’s pain in no way invalidates your own”
Just because someone, somewhere else is in more pain than you, doesn’t magically cure your pain. I hate it when people say to me they shouldn’t complain about their pain because I’m in more. All my pain does is give me a perspective that some others may be lacking for you. My pain doesn’t magically make yours vanish. Just like someone else’s happiness does not invalidate your own.
People who tell you to stop moaning or discussing your pain because others have it worse, are quite simply, wrong. Im not going to mince words here. All they have to do is say they acknowledge your pain is real and that it can be hard. They don’t need to pity you but they also don’t get to invalidate you.
As well as that I have another I always use;
“IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. ”
You didn’t ask for this pain. You may have done something that triggered this latest bout maybe, for example the other month I went outside when it was cold without a hat. Now I know cold + exposed ears = migraine for me. That migraine became a status migraine and hurt, a lot. I was bed bound a lot. I might of forgotten the hat… But it still wasn’t my fault, 9 days of agony isn’t a just punishment for forgetting a hat. Although is you spoke to me then all I had to say was how I was an idiot who deserved it!
I think the last thing I’m going to go over now is what inspired me to write this and is why I’m not going to spend 2 hours obsessing with formatting which I usually do… (I probably will later though…)
“Without self care, you can’t help anyone.”
Sometimes we keep putting our health back and back because we need to do X and Y. You need to call people, you need to visit people, you need to help someone, there is an unending list of things which are better than sitting down and resting.
But there aren’t.
The more you put your health back, the more you prioritise people and things over it? The more you will struggle. It might just be a little bit each time but even dripping water into a cup will eventually make it flood. Then instead of a day you could be looking at weeks of recovery.
Self care sounds like the easiest thing in the world to do, but for me, and I’m sure many others, it’s one of the hardest things in the universe! Unless you look after yourself, you won’t be able to do all those things in your head. So take a break, let your body relax. I know it’s hard carving out that time for self care. It might seem you are booked it 34 hours a day 8 days a week sometimes!
But of you don’t do it, of you don’t take a step back now and then and accept you need to look after yourself… You’ll be less able to do these things, and you will be left with a list of things you can’t do because your cup is floating somewhere in the bath tub.
Remeber: You are as important as anything that needs doing.
Add some bubbles to the bath and have a soak with a book. Remember you are the only you, you have! You can’t replace it, so look after it as much as you would anything or anyone else.