So a page pushed an article about asexuality on a popular Facebook page…. So it got A LOT of attention… After a while I started recognising a common theme. Asexuals need to tell anyone who might be a potential partner about their sex preferences, mostly when it comes to quantity. This after many explanations that asexual does not mean hates sex. From ruining marriages to trapping people and ruining people lives, if started looking like asexuality is the new number 1 cause of divorce!!
So I made a own big post at 5am covered in auto correct demon babies. So I figured I would tidy it up. Post it here. Enjoy my 5am rankles at people who seem to think perculiar thoughts.
Few points on this.
Asexuals are 1% of the population
Marriage isn’t a trap and if you marry without finding out a huge fundamental thing to your life I find it hard to feel bad for you. If sex is that important bring it up.
The reason some asexual individuals don’t is because we literally don’t get it. We don’t feel it the same as you so we don’t take it as high priority and sometimes we forget others do, yet for almost every other passion in life it isn’t the job of the person who isn’t into it to bring it up in dating.
We are told from our teens we have to fancy x and y. If not your gay and then when you don’t show your gay crush your even worse, people are willing to be nice to you and you should first then to tell them! Either frigid or a freak.
If you tell someone there is a good chance they will offer to fix you, even from ‘nice’ people. And no not just men, women can be incredibly hard on asexual males as they are expected to be hypersexual.
This can result in asexual people. Who some don’t even know asexuality is an option, doing what they think they have to because everyone else does it a person they feel in love with tells them they have to our it isn’t a “real” relationship.
This is incredibly common and one of the worst things brought to me. I’ve had 14 year olds message me frantic as they don’t know what to do, have sex they don’t want or be alone forever as their partner is using the fact they are terrified of abandonment as a tool against them.
Lately there had been a trend in teenagers that girls will put up with a lot of crap to be the cool girlfriend and not the awful nag. Add an Asexual into this who doesn’t know what asexuality is, is terrified they are broken as a lot of people going through puberty are but with the added issue of not feeling sexual attraction in what is quite obviously a sex drenched world.
There is also the fear of corrective rape. I’ve covered coercion which can happen so easily it’s terrifying but you have corrective where some people want to fix the poor damaged weirdo in an act of charity. This can also happen in families where parents can even hire therapists to fix their broken family members.
I speak to a for what most people would laugh at. You didn’t say no, so it isn’t rape. Living with a count down over your head, wondering when your next going to have to have sex to avoid emotional or sometimes physical abuse is sadly common.
If you aren’t getting enough sex, talk about it openly and not in a coercive manner. If it is not fixed and you need it, break up. Don’t manipulate someone into sex. It won’t be as fun unless you like the idea of potentially traumatising someone. Personally I prefer the other person to enjoy it…
So think about it. Bringing up your sex preferences might be a heck of a lot easier than someone who doesn’t know asexuality exists and might have had a rocky past because of it.
Asexuals also might just not see this as a big thing. Yes TV and everything tells us but we don’t feel it. Even now when I’ve fully looked into, dissected my past and had many discussions with my partners… I still don’t get it. I have no idea why to characters started having sex on TV or in a book, it seems utterly out of place and I just don’t understand the motive behind it. It’s something you can tell us but we just don’t get it so we don’t notice it’s been so long since we had sex unless it’s brought up. To me and many others it’s like saying cheese on toast is needed 3 times a week to have a fulfilling life . Its yummy and now and, then I crave it but then I can forget about it for months and when someone needs it at least once.. e a week or feels like their life is incomplete without it… just doesn’t make sense.